Quest 2018 Week One - Finding #purpose vs Testing Purpose #wequest

Welcome to week one, Finding #purpose vs. testing purpose, the roundtable discussion for Quest 2018.

Yes, I'm 2 weeks behind. Of course I am! However, I have listened to these roundtable discussions immediately as they come out, and have had to relisten to them a couple of times just to help and solidify the processing of them. 

This first week was the hardest one, it threw me for a loop. The reason?

I do not know my purpose!

When I think about my purpose in life, I think firstly about it in terms of monetary compensation. It's this whole idea of 'my purpose must be where I'm happiest, where I'm richest, the way in which all my dreams come true, and how that combination puts other people in awe of what I have done, and inspires them to follow in my footsteps'. This idea of purpose is most satisfying for my ego, it seems to answer all the questions of life, and provides for all my needs! And, of course, the monetary compensation is immense, while the actual work hours are super short! I don't have to be challanged, or grow, or change, or adapt. There is no failure! Only success and the inevitable awe that comes from an adoring following who say "How did you possibly do it? I wish I could so something like that! You must be a Goddess!" and then I could say, "Well, yes, but we all are, and you can have this too, if you want!", but with no plan or steps to actually get there (they have to figure it out all by themselves like I had to). Like my purpose in this life was a blessing bestowed by some benevolent divine figure because I had suffered enough in life, and deserved to have this special gift descend on me!

It's occured to me that maybe I'm thinking about my purpose all wrong.

What if my purpose is something I cannot know, because consciously knowing my purpose will cause me to sabotage it every time? What if the entire purpose of my life is to inspire 1 person to achieve something that changes the world? What if everything else in my life is incidental, other than interacting with that one person at that one time? All the activities and adventures of my life, my career, my family, my hobbies, my community, were all meant just to get me at that one place, and after that my purpose is done? It doesn't even matter what the activities and adventures are, just so long as that 1 person sees me, and their life is changed?  All those questions about my purpose, what I need to do with my life, what's my next goal, and even this quest are just passing fancies? 

Which brings me to Katie's investigation - When we get clarity on what we want to create and it’s for the greater good of humanity, then that vision can happen more easily. When we make space to show up this way, the universe will fill it with our desires, but we have to make space. How are you going to make space in 2018 to create what you really want that will be for the greater good of humanity? What ritual might help your mindset make space? What habit or activity might you stop to make space and test your fulfilling purpose?

What do I want to create? The obvious answer to that centers around my art. For 2018, I want to cultivate my own artists voice.  In the past 3 years specifically, I have put myself into solitude to 'perfect my craft', and the paintings and projects that I chose to do at this time centered around deepening my painting skill, and really figuring out what distracts me, what stops me from doing the work I feel inspired to do. This is a journey that never really ends, it just circles around and around in a big spiral. I am not a master painter!  And, even if I was, would that mean I didn't have anything left to learn? Of course not. Still, though, moving forward into 2018, I want to create space to find what my soul wants to paint. I have an idea of where to start that work, and what that work centers around (which is the lessons and situations I have had in my life repeatedly coalesces into images that communitcate to others what I am going through, or what I have learned), and I imagine that people viewing that type of art will emotionally connect in a way that helps them through similar events in their lives, thus giving them courage and inspiration to continue living in a better way.  Sometimes knowing you are not alone makes all the difference in the world! I can see how that kind of creative work can be for the greater good of humanity. So, how am I going to make space for that? In a way, I have already started by creating time in my day to paint in general.

A community that I have lurked around might have a way to start. There is a community I have been a part of on Facebook called Artist Strong, run by Carrie (you can find out more about this amazing work at Artist Strong). She has a 10 session help series around finding your inner artist voice, called Soulbrush Sessions. I can make space for this on a daily basis for 10 days, and then revisit this subject at the end and see where I'm at.

There is so much more to this roundtable discussion, however, this is as far as I've gotten! Please stay tuned for more on #purpose, as well as future round table discussions!  Thanks for reading.